New London
The last few years, the Lake Sunapee Region VNA & Hospice has held workshops on “Handling the Holidays After a Loss” for community members of all ages who need support to make it through the this time of year.
“Holiday time is pretty difficult for them to sort through a variety of feelings,” said John Monroe-Cassel, a chaplain and spiritual caregiver at the Lake Sunapee VNA who is one of the facilitators of the groups. “It’s an opportunity for people to hear perspectives on how to handle the holidays after a loss.”
The free workshops will be held on Thursday, from 3-4:30 p.m., at Lake Sunapee Region VNA & Hospice, 107 Newport Road in New London, and on Dec. 6, from 3-4:30 p.m., at TLC Family Resource Center, 109 Pleasant St., in Claremont. RSVPs are requested by 603-526-4077.
It doesn’t matter your relationship to the person you lost: It could be a spouse or romantic partner, a child or parent, a beloved aunt or cousin, a close neighbor or friend, or even a pet.
Monroe-Cassel has five suggestions for those who are grieving during the holiday season.
1.To breathe deeply and often: “Oxygen is a huge part of being able to think,” Monroe-Cassel said.
2.Be clear about what your needs are: “Everybody has their set of needs,” Monroe-Cassel said. This includes whether they want to be surrounded by family or be by themselves on a holiday.
3.Communicate your needs: “If I am concerned about somebody in my family after a loss, and I’m wondering what’s helpful for them, I need them to be able to tell them what’s helpful as much as they can,” Monroe-Cassel said.
4.Sort out which traditions to keep and which to skip this year: “We might feel like we just can’t do that particular thing. We can’t be there on Christmas morning or we can’t go to Hanukah service,” Monroe-Cassel said. “Not forever, but maybe this year.”
5.Change your mind as needed: People grieving might agree to an outing, but then decided at the last minute that they are not up for it and that’s OK, Monroe-Cassel said. “People might try to dissuade you, but the big thing about losing someone is it’s such a personal thing.” In order to support someone who is grieving around the holidays, Monroe-Cassel recommends steering clear of the word “should,” as in “you should come.”
The misconception that grief groups are “a big crying fest,” is a stereotype, Monroe-Cassel said. “Some people express themselves very well by weeping, some people tear up.” Some do neither, “but are very articulate about what they feel.”
Sometimes, there’s even laughter when members of the group “share memories that bring smiles to people’s faces,” Monroe-Cassel said. The workshops have room for “people to feel more than just deep sadness.”
Liz Sauchelli can be reached at esauchelli@vnews.com or 603-727-3221.
