What creates a lasting marriage? Self-help books, counselors and the internet are full of answers to this question.
For this story, however, I skipped these sources and went straight to the experts — couples who have been married for 50 years or more.
A half-century commitment to anything, let alone to a single person, is a rare thing. But I was lucky to find five couples in the Upper Valley who were in it for the long run and willing to let me in on the secrets to their success.
As I talked with each couple, I learned they had different backgrounds, of course, but I also noticed a common theme among their stories. Each noted, in their own words, that they had created a lasting marriage by doing things together. While this may seem obvious, over half a century it required a concerted effort.
Madeline and Russell Ricker, of White River Junction, have been married for 69 years. They began their lives together by renovating an old house. “With the help of our families we were able to get on our feet in those early years,” Madeline said.
For Grantham couple Dave and Carol Miller, who have been married for 56 years, there was a turning point. “Dave started getting into sports — skiing, tennis, golf,” Carol said. “I realized I didn’t want to sit at home alone, so I learned too.” The Millers say their love of sports and travel have kept them close, allowed them to meet many friends and given them plenty of things to talk about.
Walter and Nancy Pyer, of West Lebanon, who have been married for 65 years, spent decades volunteering in their community together, including working long days and late nights at the polls in Lebanon on Election Day.
Howard and Mariann Shaffer, of Enfield, married for 52 years, met as teenagers in church in New York City, and it’s the church families they’ve met in their travels around the world that have helped strengthen their marriage.
I think my favorite response was from Eunice and Robert Edmands, of Fairlee, who have been married for 62 years.
When I asked them what has made for an enduring marriage, they first talked in detail about how they supported each other in their passions and jobs, and how they cared for foster children together after their own children had grown up.
As I was about to leave, however, Eunice fessed up: “We were going to lie to you,” she said, “and tell you we fought all day and made up all night.”