CHARLESTOWN — The 176 cars that came winding through Twin Maples Park on a rainy day in December were there for one woman only.
Carol Thebarge, the 86-year-old beloved former substitute teacher sat in her own car outside her Charlestown home, watching the procession of vehicles, her hands clasped over her mouth as bagpipes played in the background and drivers honked in appreciation.
“It was tremendously emotional for her,” Thebarge’s daughter Peggy Catani-Rea said in an interview this month.
She recalled that inside the cars were some of the people Thebarge had an impact on in her long tenure as a substitute teacher in the Upper Valley; they were former students, parents of students, the Claremont mayor, her colleagues, and a spattering of community members
They had come to thank her and to say their final goodbyes to Thebarge, who died at home from cancer just a month later, on Jan. 19, 2021.
“There were wealthy folks who have made prosperous lives for themselves, folks who are recovering addicts, and even folks who are still struggling,” said Thebarge’s friend Kipp Ryan in a message this month, recalling the procession he helped organize. “They all came together to celebrate the one common person in their lives that made such a huge difference.”
Originally from Waltham, Mass., the daughter of a nurse and a trial lawyer, Thebarge had a bit of a rocky start in the suburb of Boston. Thebarge’s parents were strict and her teenage years were marked by a strained relationship with her mother and father, Catani-Rea said.
That came to a head when she was 16 years old and her parents sent her to a reform house, where Thebarge lived for six months.
“That was a pivotal point in my mom’s life,” Catani-Rea said. “She needed to learn to be independent. … She had to kick into what I consider survival.”
When Thebarge was released from the reform house she leaned into that newfound independence, taking a job at a donut shop and moving into an apartment with a friend. Though Catani-Rea said her mother found comfort in her independence, she had to quit school early to focus on her jobs and making ends meet.
However, Thebarge’s love of education would never be far behind.
In her early 20s, Thebarge met and married her first husband, Richard Catani. The couple had four children together before separating a few years later. Thebarge threw her love and care behind her children –– three girls, including Catani-Rea, and a boy.
“She raised the four of us as a single parent,” Catani-Rea said, adding that her mother stayed at home to care of the children when they were younger, before taking secretarial jobs to make money. “She ran a very tight ship.”
But in 1977 tragedy struck the family when her oldest daughter’s child, Thebarge’s only grandchild at the time, a 4-year-old girl named Tara, died of cancer.
“My mother’s world was warped. She didn’t know how she was going to get through that episode,” Catani-Rea said.
Grieving and seeking solace, Thebarge went to a therapist who gave her a salient piece of advice: go back to school and teach children.
“He told her, ‘every child you see will be your grandchild with a different face,’ ” Catani-Rea said.
Thebarge carried guilt over never getting her high school diploma, but the therapist’s words stuck with her and pushed her to get her GED and apply for teaching positions.
“She pulled it together,” Catani-Rea said.
Thebarge started as a substitute teacher for younger grades –– teaching students who would have been around Tara’s age and moving up a grade each year as they did. Instead of teaching a few times a year like other substitutes, Thebarge would take on long-term substitute positions, filling the spots left open by teachers who were sick, on maternity leave or on longer vacations.
“She was very good at it and very happy doing it,” Catani-Rea said. “It was the therapy she needed.”
But as the years went by, teaching became more than just therapy for Thebarge; it became a passion. Over 32 years teaching in Springfield, Vt.; in the Fall Mountain School District; in Bellows Falls, Vt.; and primarily in Claremont, she watched as the students she taught grew up and had children and grandchildren of their own.
Thebarge taught generations of students around the Upper Valley, many of whom came to affectionately refer to her as “Mrs. T.” (Her husband Emile Thebarge, who also became a substitute in his second career, was “Mr. T.”)
Catani-Rea added that her mother didn’t just teach, but tried to work closely with students who were struggling with school or home lives, giving them a supportive person to turn to.
That was the case for Amanda Coleman, a Stevens High School graduate who moved from Florida to New England in her sophomore year and found the transition to a rural area difficult.
“She had an aura about herself that I’d known her my entire life and that I could trust her,” Coleman wrote in a message about Thebarge earlier this month. “During that short period of loneliness she was that angel of support for me.”
Coleman said she was astonished that Thebarge never forgot her name or her story, saying the teacher had an impeccable memory.
Catani-Rea remembers the attention and care Thebarge paid to students as well, saying her mother would often spend time talking to students who found it hard to go to school, or were thinking about dropping out, and would urge them to reconsider. On occasion, she promised to bring them her husband Emile Thebarge’s famous brownies or invite them over for a home-cooked meal if they improved their attendance records.
Catani-Rea said she even has memories of her mother taking calls in the middle of the night from students facing crises at home and suicidal thoughts.
“She would talk them down,” Catani-Rea said. “Mom was just out there, all the time, for everybody.”
Thebarge had many Facebook friends on her personal page –– so many that she had to limit who she befriended, Catani-Rea said –– and used the page to share personal photos of her grandchildren, pets and quotes that spoke to her deep sense of spirituality.
But her friendship with students online led to trouble in 2014 when Stevens High School asked her to delete students from her Facebook page, saying she was crossing a professional boundary by allowing them to follow her personal profile. Thebarge refused to comply and the district terminated her position — a decision that drew outcry from many students.
“She was really shattered when they told her,” Catani-Rea said.
Still, Thebarge kept her friendships with students, parents and graduates alive even after she had finished teaching. She became a Justice of Peace, officiating at scores of weddings of former students, Catani-Rea said.
Thebarge even formed another Facebook group called “Polishing Halos” which became a place where where students and community members could make friends and discuss spirituality.
“She was the most spiritual person that I have ever met, but not in a ‘religious’ sense, more in a universal sense,” Ryan said. “She just had a way about her that made everyone that she crossed paths with feel like they were loved and they mattered.”
Coleman, who said she kept up a long friendship with Thebarge after they both left Stevens, said Thebarge’s decision in 2014 was indicative of her love for her students.
“She made the ultimate sacrifice so she could continue on her journey to support the students she put her wings around,” Coleman said.
Anna Merriman can be reached at amerriman@vnews.com or 603-727-3216.