Springfield, Vt.
She misses sleeping eight hours in a row. She misses coming and going from her Brook Road home as she pleases and visiting friends whose homes are not child-proofed. She’s cut back the hours she works as a care provider for a 12-year-old with behavioral and developmental difficulties. She no longer volunteers at a homeless shelter.
“I had a pretty full calendar,” the 46-year-old grandmother said of her pre-baby life in an interview at her home earlier this month. As she spoke, her grandson, Tygen Bailey, crawled across the carpet in her living room, picked up toys and climbed into a laundry basket. He fussed when he had trouble climbing out again. Markert went over and sat on the carpet next to him to soothe him.
Markert is one of a growing number of grandparents and other relatives in the Upper Valley and beyond who have turned their lives upside down in order to care for children of relatives who are — for reasons including mental illness, addiction, incarceration and death — unable to do so. The children sometimes come to live with their relatives when parents voluntarily surrender guardianship. In other cases, the courts and the respective states’ department of children and families intervene.
More than 15,000 children in New Hampshire and 7,000 children in Vermont, or about 6 percent of children in each state, live with their grandparents, according to the 2016 American Community Survey by the U.S. Census Bureau. An additional 1 percent of children in each state live with other relatives.
These numbers have been on the rise since at least 2009, the earliest year available through the survey, when just under 4 percent of New Hampshire children and 3.5 percent of Vermont children lived with their grandparents.
This trend also is illustrated by data from the two states’ agencies responsible for supporting children and families. These agencies have taken custody of an increasing number of children in recent years and a growing number of them are living with relatives. (These numbers only include cases in which the state has become involved.)
In New Hampshire, the total number of children in state custody has nearly doubled, from 649 in 2009 to 1,267 so far this year, according to the Division for Children, Youth and Families. The number of children in state custody living with relatives also has ballooned during that time, from 133 to 440.
In Vermont, numbers also are climbing, though at a slower rate. In 2009, there were 1,037 children in state custody and by last year that number had risen to 1,252, according to the Department for Children and Families. In that time, the number of children in state custody living with relatives had risen from 257 to 402.
The official numbers of children living with relatives sounded low to Courtney Porter, a social worker for the Claremont school district, who said SAU 6 officials are “seeing it more and more.”
To help such caregivers and to reduce the isolation some may feel, Porter is working with others in the school district and with the Claremont-based TLC Family Resource Center to establish a support group to begin next fall.
Such efforts aren’t unique to Claremont. A support group operating in Wilder is now in its third year. Mt. Ascutney Hospital and Health Center hosted a celebration for kin serving as caregivers last month. As part of the event, the organizers asked the 15 caregivers who attended what they needed.
“They’re tired,” said Mt. Ascutney pediatrician Mary Bender, who helped organize the event.
Relatives, especially grandparents, serving as caregivers may have their own health problems. They likely did not expect to become parents again. Some of the children have special needs, and most miss their parents.
Bender said it takes a lot of courage to take on the responsibility of caring for children when their parents are unable to.
“They’re kind of wise,” Bender said. “As a group, they don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Children’s health is largely reliant on that of their caregivers, Bender said. For the children’s sake, “we need these people to live forever,” she said.
Therefore, she encourages those who smoke to give it up. She also hopes caregivers get the help they need, whether it’s navigating legal issues, accessing food stamps and summer meal programs, or help with child care. Taking care of themselves also is very important for caregivers, Bender said.
“How do you fill up the tank?” she said.
In Search of a ‘Fountain of Youth’
Peggy Ainsworth’s feet hurt. And it’s no wonder. Though she’s lost weight recently, the weight on her shoulders is still pretty heavy.
Ainsworth, 65, cares for two granddaughters, Robyn, 10, and Alexandra, 8. Their mother, Ainsworth’s 31-year-old daughter, is Emily Perkins. In 2016, a Windsor County jury found Perkins guilty of voluntary manslaughter and second-degree attempted murder for a 2011 shooting in Bethel that killed 48-year-old Scott Hill and left a bullet lodged in then-19-year-old Emma Jozefiak’s head.
Perkins is currently serving a minimum sentence of 26 years in Chittenden Regional Correctional Facility in South Burlington. The girls’ father, Michael Perkins, died of brain cancer in 2014.
Though the girls maintain almost daily contact with their mother through phone calls and frequently visit her in South Burlington, Ainsworth and her husband, state Rep. David Ainsworth, R-South Royalton, are their guardians and serve as their parents on a day-to-day basis.
As a result, Ainsworth said she sometimes feels jealous of the girls’ other grandparents, who watch them on weekends.
But, overall, “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Ainsworth said during an interview earlier this month in their farmhouse kitchen. And, most importantly, she said, “the girls are loved.”
The Ainsworths run Westlands Farm on Route 14 in South Royalton. The farm, where they milk a “rainbow herd” of 30 cows, has been in David’s family for five generations. They also grow sweet corn and tomatoes, which they sell at their farm stand.
The Ainsworths have talked about selling the cows, but Peggy said if they keep them, they’re “just oozing money.” If they sell them, they would be “giving away cows.”
So many farms in the region have sold out recently that it’s driven down the price of the animals, she said.
Adding to their full plate, David, 63, has been sick. He had a kidney transplant in 2016 — Peggy served as his donor. Last year, he was diagnosed with a rare neurological disorder, which causes weakness of the arms and legs and general fatigue.
After developing a staph infection in December, David spent time at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, Mt. Ascutney Hospital and Health Center and Berlin Health and Rehabilitation Center. He recently returned to work at the Statehouse and is now able to get up on his tractor with help.
Despite their challenges, Peggy, who stepped down from the Royalton Selectboard this spring, was generally upbeat.
“You just do what you have to do,” she said.
Neighbors, friends and family members have stepped up to help, providing meals and helping hands, she said. Students from The Sharon Academy have helped Ainsworth with the tomatoes this spring. The Ainsworths also have hired help who assist with the milking, fencing and other chores.
The girls have health insurance coverage through Medicaid. They receive monthly Social Security checks as a result of their father’s death. In that way they contribute to household costs, put some money away for college and pay for things such as clothing, the after-school program and a couple weeks of summer camp.
“We’ve been very fortunate,” Peggy Ainsworth said.
In addition to Michael Perkins’ parents, Peggy Ainsworth’s ex-husband Mark Hackett, who is Emily Perkins’ father and lives in Brookfield, Vt., also sometimes takes care of the girls. The extra help means that the Ainsworths made it to a recent Agri-Mark convention.
The girls visit Perkins some Saturdays through a program called “Kids A Part” run by Lund, a Burlington-based social service organization. The program offers a kid-friendly space in the prison where moms can snuggle, read and play with their children. The program also offers counseling for the moms.
Still, there are daily challenges. Perkins is Peggy’s only child, so navigating sibling battles tests her in new ways. The girls “can fight like crazy,” she said.
Overall, Peggy said she could use “a fountain of youth” to help her keep up with the work.
“I can’t be sick,” she said. “There are no replacements. Although, I have learned over time that no one is irreplaceable.”
‘This Isn’t Something I Signed Up For’
Deanna Armstrong is still parenting a teenage son, even as she cares for a 4-year-old granddaughter.
The 46-year-old Newport resident has been parenting since she was 16, and she’s getting tired.
“I get no downtime,” she said in an interview earlier this month at the SAU 43 office in Newport, where she works.
She and her husband, Rob, “were almost done” parenting their 17-year-old son, Justin, when her grandchildren needed their help.
Armstrong says her 26-year-old daughter, Trisha DeCapua, has struggled with drug addiction. DeCapua and her then-2-year-old daughter, Katelyn Lunsford, moved in with the Armstrongs in September 2016, while DeCapua was pregnant with twins. DeCapua underwent addiction treatment and prenatal care at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, before giving birth to the twins in December 2016, Armstrong said.
DeCapua and the children remained with the Armstrongs for a couple of months following the twins’ birth, but then moved out last winter.
It’s been a tumultuous year for the family. All three of the children stayed with the Armstrongs for a couple of months when DeCapua entered rehab after a May 2017 car accident, Armstrong said. Last August, the twins were reunited with their mother.
Katelyn, who has some motor-skill delays, is non-verbal and hard of hearing, stayed with the Armstrongs. They planned to reunite Katelyn with her mother and siblings once the services Katelyn needs could be organized at a new preschool, Armstrong said.
That plan was stymied when, in November, DeCapua suffered an apparent relapse, Armstrong said. The twins returned to the Armstrongs’ home, but it proved too much. The twins entered foster care at Christmastime last year.
At first the twins were with a family in Cheshire County, but they’ve since moved in with a Sullivan County family who plan to adopt them if they cannot be reunited with their mother, Armstrong said. The children’s father lives in North Carolina, she said.
“If they can have a better life, while I love them and would miss them, I can’t take care of them,” Armstrong said of the twins. “Even if I wanted to, there’s no chance that I could make it work and still maintain working and everything else. My youngest is 17, he’s graduating next year. I’ve been raising kids since I was 16. I don’t want to do this for another 18 years. I don’t.”
Katelyn remains with the Armstrongs, at least for now. Armstrong and her son often spend weekends motocross racing. Trying to watch Katelyn while they’re racing can be tricky, though friends and Armstrong’s older daughter, Tiffany DeCapua, help out.
It’s “trying to find the balance — making sure (Katelyn)’s taken care of and maintain (Justin’s) life,” Armstrong said.
Armstrong, who works full time, now has to organize her schedule around daycare and preschool schedules. She has to find care for Katelyn while Armstrong and her son are away for a long weekend next month to attend a motocross race, and ensure that Katelyn makes it to doctor’s appointments and gets the services she needs.
“After work I can’t just go grocery shopping,” she said.
Armstrong is angry with her daughter for being unable to care for her children and angry at the situation that she now finds herself in.
“This isn’t something I signed up for,” she said.
Armstrong gets at least one day of forced rest every eight weeks when a nurse comes to her home to give her an intravenous infusion of an immunosuppressant used to treat her Crohn’s disease, which is in remission. She usually watches movies while she gets the treatment and takes the day off.
Those appointments are a sure thing. “I don’t cancel them,” she said. “I don’t move them.”
Other than those days, Armstrong is going pretty much all the time.” I don’t get to just say ‘Oh, I’m not feeling it today,’ ” she said.
‘Letting Go Enough’
Tygen, the 19-month-old in Springfield, has lived with his grandmother, Markert, and her husband, Henry, since he was born in October 2016.
Markert’s 23-year-old daughter Hali Bailey, who has struggled with drug use, mental illness and homelessness, was living with the Markerts when her son was born. Bailey — who appeared in an April Valley News photo feature about people who panhandle in West Lebanon — moved out a few months later. Markert subsequently became Tygen’s legal guardian.
Tygen is not yet walking, doesn’t talk much and has trouble eating — indications his development is delayed. As a result, Markert now spends some time coordinating visits with speech and occupational therapists. She also has appointments with workers from the Women, Infants and Children program, commonly known as WIC. The program, operated by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, provides food, referrals and nutrition education for low-income pregnant and postpartum women, and for infants and young children at nutritional risk.
Henry, who is 65 and retired, also helps out. He put down Tygen for a nap as Markert spoke about her experience. She is tired by the daily tasks involved with caring for her grandson, but she also worries about her daughter.
“The number one struggle in my situation is worrying about my own baby and letting go enough because my baby is no longer my job,” Markert said. “She’s no longer my responsibility. To switch focus to this baby.”
In addition, because of Bailey’s struggles, Markert said that she second-guesses her own parenting abilities.
“If I raised a daughter who cannot function safely as an adult, how am I going to do it differently with this one?” Markert said.
Another emotion Markert tries to let go of is resentment. When she and Bailey were Facebook friends, Markert said she was frustrated that Bailey’s posts had nothing to do with being overtired from caring for a baby.
The stress and lack of sleep has affected Markert’s health. She has post traumatic stress disorder from her own childhood. More recently, she’s developed costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the breastbone. She’s recently been prescribed Ativan to reduce anxiety and she is recovering from tendonitis in her wrist.
Some of Markert’s stress comes from the sense of uncertainty she feels about the future. Her guardianship may not be permanent. When and if Bailey can show the court that she has stable housing, a job and a safe environment for her son to live in, she could regain custody. “I just want it to be forever,” said Markert.
Ultimately, Markert said she aims to “get my family to a place where Tygen and his mom have a relationship that is safe for him and healthy and keep him at a place until he’s 18 — and can make his own decisions apparently — where he is safe and healthy and stable.”
Markert’s older daughter, Ashley Bailey, and her husband Keift Moorhead live nearby and regularly help care for Tygen. They give him dinner and a bath while Markert works with her client.
Economically, while there are “definitely expenses,” Markert said she’s able to meet Tygen’s needs.
Tygen is on Medicaid. He receives a Reach-Up grant through the state, which helps to pay for his housing and necessities such as diapers. The WIC program pays for some food such as milk and formula, which have been essential. Due to his digestive problems he was on formula until he was 16 months old.
She’s also found support in what she called her “tribe” of friends, some of whom she came to know through her participation in Revels North programs. Families with children older than Tygen have passed on toys and books.
More recently, Markert began attending a support group for kinship caregivers in Wilder. It’s there that she’s found others in similar circumstances.
“It lets you know that you’re not the only one,” she said.
- A Wilder support group for kinship caregivers meets monthly on the first Thursday in the Simpson Building conference room, which is located at 2458 Christian St. For more information call 802-356-9393.
- A Windsor group meets the second Tuesday of the month from 9 to 10 a.m. in the boardroom at Mt. Ascutney Hospital and Health Center on County Road.
- A Newport support group meets — through end of school year — on the second Tuesday of the month from 8 to 10 a.m. in the Towle School building.
- The Tunbridge-based Orange County Parent Child Center also hosts a support group. For more information, call Mary Ellen Otis at 802-685-2264.
Valley News Staff Writer Nora Doyle-Burr can be reached at ndoyleburr@vnews.com or 603-727-3213.
