Melony Williams, a licensed clinical mental health counselor at TLC Family Resource Center in Claremont, works with many children who have less than ideal living situations. They live in poverty, with a single parent, or with adults who have substance use disorders. Each of these can contribute to an “adverse childhood experience,” or ACE, a term that researchers use to refer to childhood circumstances connected with emotional and physical health problems well into adulthood.
Although ACEs are extremely common, Williams knows that not everyone who experiences ACEs suffers the same ill effects. Here, she talks about how the proper support can help children with ACEs build their resiliency.
The interview has been edited for length, style and clarity.
Question: What are ACEs?
Answer: ACEs are adverse childhood experiences, things that a lot of people actually experience during childhood. These include things as common as living in a family where parents are divorced to having a parent who abuses substances to having a family member who is in jail.
All these experiences that people have as children might have a negative impact on our lives. What is important to know about them is that they cause not only emotional challenges, which is kind of a no-brainer for people, but they also cause physical challenges. The study that was done on ACEs (by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, beginning in 1995) showed links with things like heart disease, obesity and even early death.
It’s an important issue because if we can figure out ways to decrease ACEs, people can live longer and also healthier and hopefully happier lives.
Q: Decreasing ACEs would be fantastic, but what about the many, many people who have already been exposed to them? Is there hope for them to overcome the effects?
A: Research shows one person can make a difference. A lot of people who are in the helping professions have high ACE scores. They went through difficult times and came out the other side because at least one person was protective and helpful, and so they wanted to provide that to other people.
Q: One way to help treat ACEs is through child-parent psychotherapy, which you practice. One of the main focuses of these sessions is building empathy and helping the caregiver understand a child’s experiences. Why is empathy an important aspect to overcoming ACEs and helping kids heal?
A: Just having the ability to step outside of yourself and into somebody else’s experience helps you to understand where they come from. Empathy is going to make you respond in a way that helps them to feel understood. If they’re feeling that from the caregiver, they are going to give that to other people in their lives and it causes a chain reaction of people understanding one anothe —: not just taking behaviors at face value, but really understand where someone is coming from.
Q: The ACEs study started more than 20 years ago, but it seems people are increasingly aware of the effects of ACEs and childhood trauma. What’s changing?
A: In the past, people have been told not to talk about the things on that quiz. Researchers were told you can’t ask people about those topics. They’ll decompensate or have a hard time.
Actually, the opposite is true. Overall, being asked about these difficult experience feels good to people. Being able to put it out there and to know that you’re not alone, that lots of people have experienced these difficult challenges and there’s healing that can happen from them, is helpful.
Q: The CDC Study found that about 40 percent of participants had experienced at least two of the 10 ACEs researchers asked about. How do you stay positive knowing that ACEs are so common, and can be so detrimental?
A: We know how prevalent they are. There are a lot of substance abuse issues right now and families living in poverty, so sometimes that feels overwhelming. I really focus on that hope message, knowing that one person can make a difference.
As a parent sometimes your child might experience something you wish they hadn’t. You feel hopeless, like they’re always going to be changed from this, especially if you hear about ACEs. But know that one person understanding that child and helping them to heal can build that resilience, so hopefully the pattern won’t continue.
Maybe that’s what we all do: try to be that one person for someone else, to really understand somebody. The ripples that come from that empathy can be enormous, and can change our communities.