Hanover
As if raising 8 children wasn’t a major undertaking in itself, Officer, who died of natural causes at 92 last September, helped form several community organizations, was a devout churchgoer and an even better friend.
“She probably was the most nonjudgmental, giving person I’ve ever known,” said longtime friend Sandra Hoeh. “She exuded warmth and affection.”
Officer, who also went by “Trix” to friends, dedicated her life to her large family, Hoeh said. And before they all grew up and moved out, took those skills and used them to help families in the Upper Valley.
She was born in 1927 to deaf parents in New Jersey, and Officer’s family and upbringing inspired her work later in life.
She grew up knowing how society treated children who couldn’t hear. Those were the days when deaf children were sent away to boarding schools. When they did come back with a knowledge of sign language, there was often a disconnect with the speaking world.
Her family didn’t wallow, however, and Officer often spoke fondly about her upbringing alongside two brothers, longtime friend Sheila Tanzer said.
A devout Catholic, Officer used to recount how the family would visit churches on long drives and her delight that the children could “ ‘race around inside the church and our mother would never tell us to be quiet,’ ” Tanzer said.
Officer’s mother, Beatrice Allegaert, also was a source of inspiration. Once Officer married her husband, Chuck, the family moved several times, first to Massachusetts, then New Zealand and then on to Houston.
Living in Laconia, N.H., Allegaert was determined to visit the family and drove cross country to Texas, unannounced and armed with a card explaining her deafness so she could eat at rest stops along the way.
“It’s all about attitude. It’s the attitude to say ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’ ” that her mother passed on, said Tanzer.
Tanzer and Officer first met at St. Denis Catholic Church in Hanover in 1968, and the two became fast friends who shared a love of books. When the two both had children of their own, they took solace in being able to share similar experiences and challenges.
“We’re going to get through it,” was a favorite mantra of Officer, who had two deaf children of her own.
“She can do it and I can do it too,” Tanzer remembers telling herself. “She was never defeated.”
Peter Officer said his mother didn’t want her children treated like her parents were. Instead of being sent to schools for the hard of hearing, Peter said, both of his brothers were taught in local public schools and learned to speak there.
From advocating for her own children, Officer also learned to advocate for others. She soon took on a volunteer position as a child advocate for the Lebanon–based Upper Valley Support Group, now called the Special Needs Support Center. There, she accompanied parents to educational team meetings and acted as an extra set of ears and worked in a child’s interest.
“She was considered very thoughtful and very calming to parents, but also worked very well with school districts,” said Mary Ellen Sullivan, who served as the nonprofit’s executive director from 1999 to 2006.
“She knew the mission of the organization and it was very important to Trix that we really listened to parents,” she said. “She was just a beautiful person inside and out.”
Officer didn’t stop there, she also helped found Good Beginnings of the Upper Valley, a West Lebanon-based organization that helps families navigate the challenges of having a baby.
Dottie Corcoran remembers bringing up the idea of starting the organization to Officer and another friend about 30 years ago. Because of the Catholic Church’s disapproving view of birth control, Corcoran wanted to help young people with unexpected pregnancies. So, the three decided to form a group that could train volunteers to help those families.
“She was just eager to help and nothing was too difficult to her,” Corcoran said.
Not only was Officer a wise friend to the group, she was always available to host an activity. “Any time was just fine with her,” Corcoran said,
Ann Bradley, the organization’s second executive director, said she first met Officer because her son and one of Officer’s sons were good friends. He would go to dinner at the Officers’ home and come back asking “Why can’t you make this?” Bradley said.
Officer gave her cookbook recommendations and “life was peaceful at home ever after,” she said. But that wasn’t the only way Officer helped. As a board member of Good Beginnings, “she was a very gentle, loving person” who was easy to work with and very supportive.
Officer was also an active supporter of Upper Valley Youth Services and Helping Hands of St. Denis, but she rarely spoke of her good deeds, Peter said.
“For us as kids, Mom never talked about any of that work,” Peter, 55, said. He never even knew she was a child advocate until moving back to the area in 2000.
Chuck Officer grew up in Claremont and provided for his family as an oceanographer, teaching classes at Dartmouth College in the Earth Sciences department and Thayer School of Engineering. He died last month.
Trix Officer’s caring nature translated easily into life at home, though, Peter said. There, meal times were always a family gathering. Whether it was the weekly Sunday morning breakfast or nightly dinners, his mother loved having the entire family together for hours.
She was always there to help and support her children, but “was probably the anti-definition of today’s helicopter parent,” Peter said. Officer would encourage her children to explore and was their support, but “wasn’t going to be there hovering and telling you you have to improve your serve in tennis.”
“She was an incredibly loving mother,” said Hoeh, whose friendship with the family goes back 52 years. “When I was a young mother in Hanover, I would call Trix if I thought I made a mistake with the kids.”
Officer always offered a very level-headed approach to child rearing that could be relied on, she said.
“If I needed help with something, Trix was there,” Hoeh said. “That’s the way she was with people.”
Tanzer said a Mass card given out at Officer’s funeral perfectly describes her. It includes a quote from Maya Angelou’s When Great Trees Fall.
“And when great souls die, after a period peace blooms, slowly and always irregularly. Spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration. Our senses, restored, never to be the same, whisper to us. They existed. They existed. We can be. Be and be better. For they existed.”
“I read this and said ‘Thank you for being who you were and who you still are for me,’ ” Tanzer said. “If you were with her, you wanted to be better than who you were.”
Tim Camerato can be reached at tcamerato@vnews.com or 603-727-3223.