WALPOLE, NH — On September 26, 2020 Phoebe Evans Dey left this world to join her beloved husband Charley (who died in April), on another adventure, sailing headlong into the unknown as they did often during their 64 years of marriage. An accomplished artist, a loving mother and spouse, and a warm and generous friend, Phoebe had a gift for making others feel recognized and appreciated. She and Charley never let the possibility of failure dissuade them from embracing new opportunities to learn and to improve the lives of others, especially young people, and they did it with grace and humor.
Born on Groundhog Day in 1935 and raised in Montclair, N.J., Phoebe was the youngest of three daughters of Solveig Knutzen and Frederick Stokes Evans. With a gift for drawing and painting, she received a B.S. in Fine Arts from Skidmore College in 1956, and worked for the advertising department of Lord & Taylor in New York before getting married.
During her senior year at Skidmore, she met the love of her life, Charles Frederick Dey, on a blind date under the clock of the Biltmore Hotel in New York City while he was on shore leave from the U.S. Navy. Although he was four hours late—detouring along the way to drive a fellow seaman to visit his dying grandmother—Phoebe waited, and their hearts and lives were joined forever.
They began their careers in education at Phillips Academy in Andover, welcoming daughters Penny and Robin before moving to Dartmouth College, where Charley was Associate Dean of the college and eventually Dean of the Tucker Foundation. Always up for an adventure, Phoebe readily agreed to join her husband when Sargent Shriver asked him to be the in-country director of volunteers for the nascent Peace Corps program in the Philippines. Responding to JFK’s call to service, the family moved to Legaspi City and lived in a nipa hut on a black sand beach under the shadow of Mt. Mayon (Philippine’s most active volcano), while Charley traversed the country supporting volunteers. In 1963, she gave birth to Andrew in Manila, and son Tom arrived after the family’s return to Hanover.
The following summer, at the height of the Civil Rights unrest, Phoebe and Charley traveled to the deep South in order to meet with parents of high school students from underprivileged, primarily AfricanAmerican families who had been accepted into an experimental scholarship program called A Better Chance being run by Dartmouth. On the drive north with four of the students, the group was refused service at a Holiday Inn restaurant in Athens, GA and integrated several hotels along the way.
In 1973, Charley was hired as head of school to unite The Choate School and Rosemary Hall into a single coeducational institution. The board of trustees, in welcoming them, said they were happy to have him on board, but it was really Phoebe who they were after. With her steadfast support, he led the transformation of two schools into one, working to ensure that the education of young women at the school was given as high a priority as that of young men. Phoebe worked at his side, always making students, faculty and trustees feel welcome and cared for at their residence in the middle of campus. Charley often said that he could not have accomplished what he did without Phoebe.
Following their 18 years at Choate Rosemary Hall, a tenure characterized by increased access and diversity, broad outreach to the wider community and innovative public-private collaborations, the Deys moved to Lyme, CT. Life after Choate afforded Phoebe a chance to concentrate on her artwork, Charley the opportunity to work for the National Organization on Disability, and both more time to visit Nantucket Island, where they summered for over 40 years.
In 1955 Phoebe worked as the hostess at The Wauwinet House on Nantucket, and sang in the piano bar of the Opera House. That summer led to a lifelong affair with the island she would call a second home, a place of peace, recuperation and artistic endeavor. Phoebe was a lover of wildflowers and landscapes, whose medium of choice was watercolor. “I think of my painting as a collaborative effort with nature,” she once said, and credited her Norwegian mother with teaching her “to love the drama of growing things,” and her Welsh father a “love of old buildings and books.” Phoebe belonged to the CT Watercolor Society and was a lifetime member of the Artists’ Association of Nantucket, where her work remains in its permanent collection.
Phoebe and Charley spent their last chapter in Walpole, N.H., gardening, sharing poetry on long walks, singing and, most importantly, spending time with family. Their adventures even included a brush with Hollywood in 2006 when they played the “elderly affectionate couple” in the feature film Failure to Launch, directed by son Tom.
Of all Phoebe’s talents and accomplishments, perhaps her greatest gift was her ability to make everything special. Whether baking meringue toadstools for the Choate Women’s Group or sewing costumes of the Alice in Wonderland characters for each child invited to her daughter’s 8th birthday party, Phoebe’s creativity and generosity were without limits. As one of her caregivers remarked during her final days, “The gift your mother gave me was grace.”
Phoebe is survived by children and spouses Penny, Robin, Andrew (Annette) and Tom (Coliena) and her four grandchildren: Rani, Mamta, Julian and Phoebe. A memorial celebration for both Phoebe and Charley will be held on the Choate campus next year, as soon as it is possible to gather again. In lieu of donations, please consider supporting the Artists’ Association of Nantucket, in honor of Phoebe Evans