As a pediatrician and child psychologist, Dr. Nina Sand-Loud, of Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, knows that healthy kids need interactions with other children. While most people have cut back on their social interactions to help flatten the curve of the novel coronavirus, Dr. Sand-Loud is mindful of the fact that kids need those interactions to thrive.
Here’s what she has to say about balancing social interaction and social distancing. Responses have been lightly edited for length and clarity.
Right now many parents are clear on the benefits of social distancing. But what are the benefits of socialization for kids?
Sand-Loud: Human beings in general are very social creatures. Social interaction with family members and peers is really important for normal human development. There are critical windows when children need to experience these things. During early and middle childhood, kids are really open to learning about social norms, and much of that is learned from peers, not just from your parents.
It’s important for toddlers to have time with other toddlers, to learn about sharing and coping when things don’t go their way. Preschoolers take those skills and expand on them, learning that different kids and adults have different ways of doing things. Each of these stages help develop skills kids need to manage in school: to cope with emotion, resolve conflict and manage stress. The only way to experience that is to be with other kids.
When kids and families are stuck at home because of the pandemic, how can parents encourage social development?
Sand-Loud: It requires a little creativity on the part of parents. They can’t perfectly serve that role for kids, but they can role-model certain behaviors. When they go to the store, or pick up the mail, how parents respond to other people is a really important lesson for kids. At home, modeling healthy behaviors around screens.
Parents have been thinking a lot about remote education, but they should be thinking about social education too. It’s not just about teaching kids reading and writing, but about social skills, too. Playing a game can teach them to take turns. Involving kids in activities through the household, like setting the table or helping with laundry, teaches them about contributing.
But it’s also important to find safe opportunities to be with peers. We can’t expect these kids to not socialize for a year and then bounce back.
That’s probably worrying for a lot of parents, who feel like they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, trying to keep kids safe from the virus but also get them normal social interaction.
Sand-Loud: Kids are resilient and can learn new things — in fact, learning to follow the rules is an important social skill. So, start talking to kids about wearing a mask and practice some social distancing. That’s a social skill — it’s teaching them to care about other people and help keep them safe.
Then, organize outdoor playdates or hikes where kids can play together from a distance. You could even play socially-distanced board or card games, where each child has their own set. Have a little bubble with families whose kids they’re able to get a little closer with. You have to really still give them those opportunities to be with kids, or over time isolation can start to have a negative effect on skill development and mood.
You’ve talked about young kids, but what about teenagers?
Sand-Loud: Teens’ primary developmental task is to separate from their families to get them ready to be more independent. They do that by spending time with peers. Not allowing them to spend that time is hampering that next step of development in moving into adulthood, because it’s very abnormal for them to be spending so much time with their families. All this time at home is sort of contrary to what they need developmentally.
I recommend parents talk to their teens about safety — wearing masks and social distancing. Then, trust them to make good choices, and give them some autonomy. By asking teens to completely isolate, we’re asking them to rebel.
While we’re talking, most schools haven’t made the decision about what classes will look like for 2020-2021. But it’s safe to say that it won’t be a typical year, and many parents are worried about that. Do you have any thoughts?
Sand-Loud: What we know is that kids have a great capacity to learn. We can talk to them about masks, the virus and staying safe in schools. Practice the new normal by taking your kids on outings, especially if they’ve mostly been at home. Then say, ‘It’s going to be a very different experience, but we still think it’s great that you’ll be with your friends and teachers when you go back to school.’