HANOVER, NH — After a dynamic life filled with enthusiastic, joyful engagement, Judith Esmay died on April 28, 2020 following a brief illness. She spent her full, creative, and productive days devoted to family, faith, and community. Whether in her well-kept, Swedish-influenced home, in a tangle of policies and regulations, or in the lives of those she loved, her clarity and calmness were recognized and valued by all.
Judith was born on November 30, 1931 in Trenton, NJ to Edwin Wilson Esmay and Alma Smith Esmay. She was the oldest of five children in a family that struggled through the Great Depression and World War II. Family lore has it that Judith’s family moved 14 times before she graduated from high school. Through this experience she learned lessons of thrift, hard work and leadership while gaining a sense of humor, a sparkle in her eye and compassion for others.
Following a post-high school gap year when she worked in New York City, Judith attended Bucknell University graduating in 1954. Shortly thereafter she married and settled in Morris County, New Jersey. During this period she cared for her three children while applying her sharp intellect and focused energy to her community in ways that became a pattern for engagement. She was devoted to her children’s wellbeing as an advocate for breastfeeding, homemade, nutritious food and limiting TV time. She enjoyed family gatherings, camping in Vermont, and socializing with friends. She was devoted to her church community especially serving the youth of the congregation. She became involved in social justice work with organizations such as the NAACP and was very active with the American Association of University Women and the League of Women Voters were she served as Chair of the Morris County Chapter.
In the early 1970’s her life changed. She divorced and pursued a law degree at Rutgers University. During this period Judith developed her interests in education policy and governance and soon afterwards joined with Robert Strauss as both business partner and later as wife. The success of Strauss Esmay Associates in serving the policy needs of school districts throughout New Jersey was a great satisfaction to both of them.
In 1992 Judith moved to Hanover, New Hampshire bringing with her the same energy and devotion to service that she had maintained throughout her life. She was a parishioner of St. Thomas Episcopal Church in Hanover where she served in many capacities including Senior Warden. She also served as long-time mentor for the Education for Ministry program there. She became known for providing wise spiritual direction and counsel to many, bringing people together and helping them feel safe. Her service to the Church extended to the Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire where she served in many roles including as Canon for Lay Leadership. In 2001 she joined the Hanover Planning Board and served, including as chair, until her death. There she worked on numerous projects gaining a reputation for reliable leadership, diplomatic skills, and an eye for detail that smoothed the edges of sometimes passionate debate.
Judith was a curious, lifelong learner, always enjoying an intellectual puzzle, whether it was a complex science or legal concept or the Jumble in the newspaper. As testament to an active mind bent toward productive ends, a pair of knitting needles were never beyond Judith’s expert reach. She created hundreds of imaginative and complex pieces for family and friends. In Judith’s “knittery” (the name her family came to know for her knitting headquarters) could be found a vast collection of books on knitting history and styles, knitting supplies, and teaching materials. In her later years she gathered a devoted following of students and taught classes about knitting, knitters and their techniques.
Wherever she lived, Judith was the glue that bound her family together. She hosted Christmas gatherings every year for over six decades for her siblings, children, nieces and nephews and later, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She delighted in large scale group presents of beautifully knitted objects, often teaching a mathematical concept.
Judith was predeceased by her beloved husband Robert Strauss and her sister Jane Mestrovic. Judith will be dearly missed by brothers Michael and Peter Esmay and sister Ann Esmay; by her children and step-children Jane Ahlfeld and husband Bill Thomas, Peter Ahlfeld and wife Kelly, David Ahlfeld and wife Victoria Dickson, Claudia Strauss and husband James Van Cleve, Ted Strauss and wife Hilary Davis; her grandchildren Star Burruto, Sorrel Brae, Riley and Penny Ahlfeld, Rachael Baron-Van Cleve and Nathanial Van Cleve; her great-grandchildren Daisy, Homer and Isaac; and many nieces and nephews and their children.
The family will hold a service when it is safe to do so.