NEWPORT — A gunshot, an emergency call and a nine-hour police standoff ended in the arrest of Joshua Stiller at a Sunapee barn just one year ago.
Now, after months of rehabilitation and treatment for his depression, the 26-year-old Stiller is trying to escape the shadow that he says the incident cast over his life. And he also is offering insights about the difficulty of being held in jail while undergoing a mental health crisis.
Stiller pleaded guilty last April to one count of reckless conduct for the March 2019 incident.
He was sentenced to 12 months in prison with six months suspended and ordered to undergo mental health evaluations.
In November, a judge agreed to suspend the remainder of Stiller’s prison sentence after finding that he had completed necessary mental health treatments and had good recommendations from his landlord and counselor.
In a recent phone interview, Stiller, who went to the Granite Hill School in Newport, and now lives in Keene, said the incident resulted from a culmination of struggles he had with his own depression and suicidal thoughts.
“I was kind of faking it and pretending to be happy when I was dying inside,” he said.
The night of the standoff he said he got drunk and went to his mother’s place in Sunapee, where he was living at the time, around 3 a.m. When his mother threatened to call the police and have him “admitted” to a mental health facility, Stiller says he hid in the barn with the gun, planning to take his own life.
Stiller said he fumbled with the gun and fired a hole through the floor of the barn, prompting his mother to call police. Hours later, the 25-year-old, who had fallen asleep, awoke to find a standoff outside the barn, he said.
“It was the last thing I needed while I was feeling suicidal,” he said. “I wanted compassion, support, someone to talk to and be understanding and caring.”
After a brief stint in the hospital where he was treated for hypothermia, Stiller was taken to jail to await a trial on reckless conduct charges. Once incarcerated, Stiller said the conditions made his depression more severe. He was held in a “tiny” maximum security cell and given a large suicide-proof smock, which he said was itchy and held together with Velcro.
“There was nothing to comfort me. They wouldn’t give me books and I had to eat with my bare hands,” Stiller said, adding that he became more despondent for the 47 days he was incarcerated. “It was very degrading.”
It wasn’t until he took a plea deal two months later and entered court-ordered rehabilitation that Stiller said things began to turn around, adding that therapists gave him a lot of “coping skills.”
Still, the Stiller hopes his story will prompt officials to take a critical look at how inmates suffering mental health crises are treated in jail.
“They need to change the way they process people who are suicidal,” he said. “They need to see if they can get the help they need.”
Assistant Sullivan County Attorney Geoffrey Gallagher, who prosecuted Stiller, said that cases involving mental health issues like depression are “always different” but that “doesn’t abrogate someone from their actions.”
“We want the people that we deal with to succeed,” Gallagher said in a recent phone interview. He said that Stiller was safe while he was in jail, despite the conditions, and that his deferred sentence allowed him to continue receiving care.
“I won’t say jail is the best place for someone, but it’s the best alternative.”
But while people suffering mental health crises may be kept safe from physical harm, jail can still be a mentally damaging place for them, according to Ken Norton, executive director for the New Hampshire chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
“For some people in a mental health crisis, the worst thing is for them to be left alone with their thoughts,” Norton said. “With the incarceration system, that’s what happens sometimes.”
He said jail — rather than prison — can be an especially difficult place for people in those situations. In New Hampshire, prisons house people who are there for over a year, which allows for more “advanced planning” in terms of an inmate’s mental health needs, Norton said.
“In jails there’s a more transient population, which can be a challenge with getting them the connections and resources and benefits they need,” he said.
In Grafton County, a specific mental health court, which operates out of the district court in Lebanon, hears cases involving defendants who suffer serious mental health issues, according to Grafton County Attorney Marcie Hornick. The initiative started in 2011 and allows defendants, even those involved in violent cases, to meet regularly with a counselor and work on getting a job and apartment while their case moves through the system.
Several other counties have similar programs, including Cheshire County, where Stiller now lives.
For Stiller, the path forward is unclear. He said employers seem to have a hard time overlooking his history; despite his prior job experience working in roofing, restaurants, and his certification as an emergency medical responder, Stiller has applied to 20 places and still has no offer. He blames the arrest, which was publicized in multiple media outlets including the Valley News.
But he is optimistic; he’s been working on managing his depression, and has found some part-time work and his own apartment. Stiller’s long-term goal is to start a non-profit for suicide prevention.
“I feel good about myself now,” Stiller said. “I want to help people who have been in my position.”
Anna Merriman can be reached at amerriman@vnews.com or 603-727-3216.