Exercise more, eat less, be kinder: there is a sanctimonious sameness to most New Year’s resolutions. Here’s my list, something I can really live with:
1. Move in with Pope Francis.
Now there’s a nice man. Normally I am very happy I’m single, but occasionally, around this time of the year, I get a little lonely. I know plenty of neat people and some of them are men, but they are all either married or otherwise flawed. Pope Francis is a wonderful man with sterling moral fiber, an enviable intellect, and he’s someone who has everyone’s best interests at heart. I don’t think I could do better.
2. Dye the dog blue.
I love the dog, I really do, but she refuses to vacuum or brush herself. If she were the same color as the couch and rug, at least my living room would have the illusion, if not the fact, of cleanliness.
3. Eat more milk chocolate.
Years ago, after the virtues of dark chocolate began to be lauded for everything from hernias to depression, I switched from milk chocolate to dark. But actually, I prefer milk chocolate and am willing to give up the extra 45 minutes or whatever of enhanced health to enjoy it again.
4. Donate the radio to the Salvation Army.
Now that Diane Rehm has retired and Garrison Keillor is gone and Donald Trump is in the news hourly, even public radio can drive a person crazy. More silence or maybe more books on tape. (Have you listened to The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy, or its mate The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry?)
And last, at a time when whatever you believe will be challenged by half the country:
5. Abolish daylight saving time.
A foolishness at best, an inconvenience at worst, it annoys the dog and it no longer has any commercial value whatsoever. Finally, something we can all agree on.
Joan Jaffe lives in Norwich.