White River Junction
What if we took the time to learn coping skills that would guide us toward better solutions to conflicts?
A program called “Nonviolent Communication and Mindfulness Practice,” being held at the Bugbee Senior Center in White River Junction on Nov. 4 and 5, could help teach those skills.
“Often when we’re in conflict we use one of two strategies,” said Peggy Smith, a certified nonviolent communication trainer and mindfulness instructor whose organization, Open Communication, is based in Maine. “It doesn’t really matter if it’s a co-worker, a boss, a neighbor, a child. … Our usual strategy is either sort of win or withdraw.”
Over the two-day workshop, Smith will lead interactive and discussion-based activities to teach nonviolent communication strategies. She first began studying the art 15 years ago after hearing a radio interview with Marshall B. Rosenberg, founder of the New Mexico-based nonprofit organization The Center for Nonviolent Communication.
Nine years ago, Smith left her job as a teacher to become a certified instructor. In addition to hosting public workshops, such as the one coming up in White River Junction, she has worked with businesses, teachers, inmates, spiritual communities, members of the medical community and others.
“It nourishes my heart to see how humans can be with each other when they have the skills to relate,” Smith said, describing the process as “learning how to self-regulate in times of stress and times of conflict.”
This includes learning the difference between observation and observation with judgment, being aware of body sensations such as nausea, and feelings of anxiety or fear.
“These sensations or feelings are the way that our universal human needs communicate to us whether they’re happy or not happy,” Smith said.
This involves slowing down and finding out what is authentically true about the situation and the feelings attached to it.
“It’s about responding instead of reacting,” Smith said. “It means that I can really tell people my truth in a way that they can really hear it without feeling attacked or blamed.”
Steve Schultz, of Pomfret, has been studying nonviolent communication for the past few years and is helping to organize the workshop in White River Junction.
“You can’t avoid conflict, you can’t wish it away, it’s a reality of life,” he said. Nonviolent communication, however, “helps us stay connected with ourselves … as well as the other person,” he said, “and work toward mutually agreed upon solutions.”
The training helps to develop listening skills, empathy and compassion, which come in handy when addressing conflict.
“We can feel empowered, we can be liberated from the confusion of conflict,” Schultz said.
But it can be hard at first to change our ways.
“We’re trying to overcome a lifetime of habits,” Schultz said. “It’s a transformative process going from old communication habits to one where we’re deeply connected.”
Through his continuing study, Schultz has been amazed at how simple — yet powerful — the skills learned can be.
“It’s so fundamentally good and valuable,” he said. “It’s something we can all use, we can all benefit from.”
And perhaps we need that more than ever before.
“The need has been there for a long, long time,” Smith said, “but people are more aware of the need.”
Editor’s note: The suggested cost of the program is $175 and financial assistance is available. For more information about the training in White River Junction, visit http://lifeisrelationships.org/. For more information about Smith, visit http://www.opencommunication.org/index.html. For more information about the Center for Nonviolent Communication, visit http://www.cnvc.org/. Liz Sauchelli can be reached at esauchelli@vnews.com or 603-727-3221.
