October is National Scary Month, now that Halloween has morphed into something much longer.
Ogres, grim reapers and ghouls gather on neighborhood lawns. Mechanized horribles are for sale at Home Depot. A 12-foot-tall skeleton with piercing LCD eyes was yours earlier this week for just $149, half off.
But something creepier is in the air.
Political TV ads are stalking me. Like the walking dead, they will not be stopped. They swarm the airwaves, disturbing domestic tranquility which, I believe, is enshrined in the Constitution.
Lights seem to grow dimmer, moods darken, a whiff of deceit enters. I keep a remote at my side to mute the sound. I am fighting for democracy, and trying not to drop the clicker and somehow conjure up Gilligan’s Island. (This has happened. The fallen clicker has a mind of its own.)
Beware the billionaires and the Supreme Court. The rich devour our wealth and the court says they are free to try to tilt elections from sea to shining sea. We the citizens don’t even know who is funding the virtual slander.
And so, I am bludgeoned nightly by political ads as we sit down to savor the nerdy bliss that is Jeopardy! We stream Channel 5 via YouTube TV; the great majority of ads involve Chris Pappas, Democrat, and John E. Sununu, Republican, candidates for U.S. Senate from New Hampshire.
If you were easily influenced, you might think both are corrupt, influenced by big money, and out to endlessly raise taxes (Democrat) or steal your healthcare (Republican). The harshest ads use filters that make an opponent look ominous as the narrator uses his “and this is how the world ends” voice.
Even more invasive are tons of ads creeping in from upstate New York. In the 21st Congressional District, Anthony Constantino, Republican, is running against Blake Gendebien, Democrat.
I don’t know why I’ve been dragged into this.
The ads are tiresome, and what’s in it for me, the home viewer? I grew up with Speedy Alka-Seltzer, Mr. Clean, Schaefer, the one beer to have when you’re having more than one. I still wonder where the yellow went when I brushed my teeth with Pepsodent.
The jingle ads are gone. Pharmaceutical giants hawk medications that will cure or reduce maladies so the sick can ski, spike volleyballs, and laugh with friends around a fire at the beach. Those people may have life-threatening illnesses, but they are having more fun than me. I’m going to ask my doctor about that.
I asked ChatGPT to estimate how many commercials an average American might see in a lifetime. It responded that it’s hard to say, but based on government surveys of how people spend free time, for a 75-year-old it could be well over a million. As in million!
I feel like I’ve reached my lifetime limit. The ads have no power over me, I think.
Of course, there are other things to worry about in October. “Roadwork Ahead” signs continue to be frightful. People have posted online that it took them an hour to drive from Route 12A in West Lebanon to White River Junction. Pop-up traffic jams are here, there and everywhere.
Heating oil is over 6 bucks. I just filled our Subaru Forester for $55.57, a personal record. I said a bad word.
Oilflation is hard to handle. One summer as a teenager, I pumped gas for drivers who bought either a dollar’s worth, five dollars’ worth or said “fill ‘er up” as if they didn’t have a care in the world.
It was a simpler time. Halloween was just one night and kids did most of the work. Adults dressed up only if they were going to have a frightful amount of cocktails at parties that didn’t always end well vis-à-vis spouses.
This year I’m going to be the usual for Halloween: a senior more worried about medical scares than witches and wolves. A little kid would win the night if he appeared at the door dressed as a doctor and said, “Sir, we need to run some more tests.”
As for my costumes, I wear comfortable, warm clothes that won’t badger me if I put on a couple of pounds. I seek peace of mind. Contentment is all.
But it’s hard to find tranquility in this political scary season. I worry about me, I worry about the nation. Elections have rattled me for years.
Recently, Donald Trump urged his voters to close their eyes and pretend he is on the ballot. I happen to agree.
If a Republican is elected to Congress, he or she will back the Trump agenda, nearly 100%. If a Democrat is elected, he or she will oppose the Trump agenda, almost without exception.
And there, voters of America, is your election guide.
The writer lives in West Lebanon. He can be reached at dan.mackie@yahoo.com.
