Happy 250th Birthday, America! You don’t look a day over 200.
The last couple of years have been rollicking, with the White House as noisy as an inferno at a fireworks factory. I’m sorry your special day has been overshadowed by President Trump’s birthday, but that’s life in these somewhat united states.
I had expected a bit more spectacle this year. The Great American Salute to Algae in Washington, D.C., grabbed our attention, but like I always say, You can only do so much with algae.
The Algae Castle Building Contest, inspired by sand castle events and butter sculpting at fairs in states where there is not much to do, was a flop. The Algae Statue of Liberty drooped badly, and the Algae Alamo turned into mush.
Algae Wrestling was a big hit, however, and could be included in future cage fighting at the White House. Online betting will be encouraged, arranged by Trump Brothers Crypto, LLC, providing ever more evidence of American ingenuity. Lesser oligarchs worldwide are green with envy.
I was hoping there’d be a fad involving colonial tricorn hats which, according to a reliable-sounding article on Wikipedia, our first five presidents wore. Historians assure us that in Colonial days they did not look stupid.
On July 4, I might go to the parade and festivities in Lebanon, where we will be amazed by the gathering of so many people we don’t know. Sometimes we head south and watch the quaint parade in Plainfield, where everyone seems to know everyone. McNamara’s Dairy has handed out free chocolate milk at parade’s end — very near to my own vision of heaven.
Some years a retired Supreme Court justice has read aloud the Declaration of Independence. It’s a big thing in a small town as he recites the ancient complaints against a British king:
“He has refused his Assent to Laws.”
“He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone.”
“Cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world.”
“Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us.”
“He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us.”
Regarding liberty, complaints of “Cruelty and perfidy” also ring a bell.
It all feels rather contemporary. Hearing the roll call makes us check our Apple Watches (I’m pretty sure invented by Ben Franklin) to be sure this is really 2026, not 1776.
Careful listeners will note there is no mention of women, although there must have been a fair number of them here or the demographics wouldn’t work. Indigenous people were referred to as “merciless Indian Savages,’’ which hasn’t aged well.
Still, this weekend we welcome the better angels of our nature — and burgers and beer. Or tofu and chickpeas. This is a free country.
Little kids wave little flags, marching bands strut, antique cars rattle and purr, old friends catch up and tell each other how good they look, the nicest form of perjury.
Fireworks return this year in Lebanon, my hometown. Sounds of battle are taken lightly because we enjoy such peaceful lives, except for pernicious road construction. We have of late been bestowed by Our Creator with a Jersey Mike’s, something of which our Founding Fathers could only dream.
I usually spend July 4 in a happy state of mind. The good cheer of my fellow citizens fills me with hope and a yearning for rebellious food. I might even eat my annual hot dog, as American as the ominous ingredients within.
Having spent a half century (a half century!) in the business of printing words on cheap pulp paper (and now digital screens), one freedom is particularly dear to me.
It’s freedom of speech, of course, and of the press. In fact, Old Pal Tom Jefferson wrote in 1787:
“The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.”
The current state of newspapers might give Mr. Jefferson pause, but we old folks are still reading them, hurrah.
I have not been a crusader, but I did my part in helping citizens tell their stories and air their grievances. Maybe railing against the tyranny of new parking meters isn’t the highest expression of freedom, but it is part of what makes America great.
It’s been my privilege to poke fun at Dartmouth College, Dartmouth Health, roundabouts, rapacious capitalism, the cunning Supreme Court, the hapless Red Sox, helicopter parents, sneaky cellphones, mischievous weather, oddball Elon Musk and future trillionaires, even my aging self.
And, of course, the president who proclaims himself our favorite president ever.
As the witty people say, George and Abraham say hello.
The writer lives in West Lebanon. He can be reached at dan.mackie@yahoo.com.
