CLAREMONT — Raymond Tewksbury’s philosophy for living a joyful life was not complicated.
Work hard, show respect, find the good in others, be there for family and friends, and sometimes strangers, and squeeze as much fun out of life as you can. And of course, keep smiling.
“He was always happy. I never knew a day when he wasn’t laughing or smiling about something,” said his close friend Phil Mudge, who knew Tewksbury and his wife Shirley since the early 1970s. “He just made you feel good. I can tell you he was one of the nicest people you will ever, ever meet.”
Tewksbury’s sister-in-law, Carol Norton, said Tewksbury’s life was a beautiful model of love, kindness and compassion not only for his children, but all those who had privilege of knowing him, whether they were close or casual friends or co-workers.
“In his younger years, he and Shirley (who died in 2008) — they took so many young people into their home to give them a bed to put their head on,” said Norton, who called her brother-in-law a “great teacher to his daughter and sons.
“They were a fantastic combination, and Ray was the most compassionate person ever. We used to call them the Waltons of Claremont.”
Tewksbury, who died Dec. 17, 2021, at age 84, was one of seven children born to Paul and Isabella Tewksbury in Cornish where the family had a farm and small gravel pit. After graduating from Windsor High School, he and Shirley, high school sweethearts, were married. While he worked for a time at a machine shop in Windsor, most of Tewksbury’s working life was spent as a route sales vendor for companies delivering products to area food stores.
His days were long — 12 hours sometimes — and started when Tewksbury left home around 4 a.m. after Shirley rose with him to make breakfast.
“He worked as hard as anybody I have ever met and it was all to support his family,” said his son, Dan, of Chester, N.H., one of five boys and one girl of Ray and Shirley. “His family was first and foremost.”
The Tewksbury children remember their home as a place where the door was open to all.
“Everybody was welcomed into the house regardless of whether they were in trouble or not,” Dan said. “All of our friends were treated as if they were part of the family.”
Son Gregg of Keene recalled that his father had that rare quality of searching for the good in everyone.
“He did not judge people,” Gregg said. “He would look past their blemishes when so many others could not find forgiveness or accept someone’s shortcomings.
“Sometimes people made decisions in life that made it really challenging for some to accept but dad would always find a reason to look at the good part of that person. His perspective was ‘but there is goodness in that person as well and let’s not forget that,’ he would say. To find forgiveness rather than hold people in contempt is something my day passed on to all of us.”
Norton said he never spoke ill of anyone.
“If he didn’t care for someone, you just didn’t hear about them,” she said.
Gregg said their dad could be tough at times raising his children but Gregg and his siblings also remember their father’s gregarious personality that was reflected in his enjoyment of being with others.
“My dad was a true extrovert, and that was why he was just radiant when people were around,” said Gregg. “The more people the merrier. He was just energized by the social aspect of being with people.”
Tewksbury always eagerly anticipated the annual Horseshoe Tournament the family held in early August for years at their home. It began as a small group of friends and over the years, grew to probably a 100 or more. There were trophies, pot luck food and lots of laughter and good conversation but it was never about winning but about the camaraderie, Gregg said.
“We were raised up around the horseshoe pit and that came from my grandfather,” said son Mike, the middle of the five children. “As we got older, we decided a tournament with family and friends would be a good idea.”
That “good idea” turned into an annual event that expanded over the years, leading Ray to build some additional pits to accommodate more teams.
“We never sent invitations, people would just show up,” said Dan. “I don’t know how many teams would come. Mom would be cooking two days before.”
It wasn’t just the horseshoe tournament, said his daughter-in-law, Karen, who is married to the Tewksburys’ oldest son, Steve.
“Holidays were the best,” Karen said. “Christmas parties, Thanksgiving, Easter. He would put silver dollar in eggs and hide them around the yard. He was the most amazing dad.”
When the couple was married in 1992, they chose Ray as their best man, a sign of how much they loved and respected him.
Vacations were also events to enjoy with family and friends for Ray and Shirley.
“We used to camp together at Running Bear (in Ascutney),” said his longtime friend, Mudge, who with his wife Pat, lived near the Tewksburys on Twistback Road in Claremont for years. “The whole family with all the kids. He and Shirley were very family oriented and we were just really happy to be part of that family.”
When the couple traveled to the Caribbean Islands for vacation, their daughter, Donna, who died in February, and son-in-law, Michael would join them.
“We went to Aruba and the Bahamas with them. I knew him for probably 42 years,” said Michael. “Everybody loved Ray. He was a great man, no doubt about that and he had a great family.
We became best friends. He always called me his fifth son and I called him ‘Dad.’
That was indication of how Tewksbury defined his family and the close relationships he had.
“He had step grandchildren but Ray didn’t like the word step,” said his sister-in-law Carol. “To him, they were all his grandchildren.”
His oldest son, Steve, who lives in Nelson, N.H., said his father had an adventurous side in his earlier years. When the Tewksburys were just married and had not started a family, Steve said his dad was working at a machine shop in Windsor when a co-worker said, ‘Ray, you got a new car and I have the money, let’s go to California.’”
So off they went but when the four of them reached the West Coast, Steve said his father was the only one to land a job and decided that was not going to work out so back east them came. Running short of money, they stopped to see a cousin of Ray’s around Indiana or Ohio.
“His cousin gave him $20 (which Ray took reluctantly),” Steve said. “When they pulled into Cornish, they had a dollar left. It was a silver dollar. He gave it to me (later) and I still have it.”
The Tewksbury children learned about hard work not from fatherly lectures, but watching their dad.
“His five kids, in their own way, have been very successful because we all understood the work ethic first and foremost,’ said Dan.
“I remember my father was always a hardworking man,” added Mike. “He would work 12 or 14 hours some days but when he came home he was always good natured. He had this incredible smile.”
Despite the early mornings and long days, the Tewksburys also remember the support of their parents for their athletic and other endeavors from Little League through high school sports.
“We had great support from mom and dad for whatever we wanted to do,” Dan said. “They were the taxi back and forth from the high school. You don’t realize the commitment that is until you have kids of your own.”
Tewksbury frequently went to Cornish to help his older sister, Jo, who just turned 90, with chores around the house as she got older.
“We did a lot together when Shirley was alive,” said Jo. “I remember he was always laughing. He was a good brother.”
Snowmobiling was another favorite activity of Tewksbury. Mudge remembers volunteering with his friend and others to build a small suspension bridge, called the Hawk’s Landing Bridge, over the Sugar River off Washington Street in Claremont.
“Ray and I were there the first day and spent a lot of hours working on the bridge,” Mudge said. “We did a lot of riding together. We did the Easter Seals ride to Laconia. It was always fun riding with Ray.”
Dan said their father was the one who could fix the machines when they broke down.
“He was definitely a handyman. There was nothing he wouldn’t tackle,” Dan said.
Tewksbury earned a decent living but never measured his life by his income.
“His life and our life growing up it was never about material things,” Gregg said. “It was always about getting together with family and spending time together.”
Dan said his parents were good at budgeting but he doesn’t doubt there were some tough times financially.
“They did not burden their children with that,” Dan said. “It was not about money but about love and there was so much love in our house.”
Patrick O’Grady can be reached at pogclmt@gmail.com
