When Erin Hegarty, of Claremont, found out that she was pregnant, she was excited to share the news with her daughter Emma, who was 9 at the time. Hagarty and her husband, Curt, decided to surprise Emma by writing the words “Big Sister” on her feet.

“I thought it was so fun,” Hegarty said. “However, Emma cried, and revealed she liked being an only child and was terrified our love for her would change.”

Susan Pullen, a pediatric behavioral health clinician at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, said it’s important for parents to remember that their children might not share their enthusiasm about the family growing.

“Sometimes parents feel so excited about the momentous arrival of a sibling that they assume that the child or children already in their family share their enthusiasm,” she said.

That can lead to disappointment for everyone if that’s not the case. Pullen recommends low-key, gradual introductions to the idea of a new sibling, rather than big reveals.

“When you think about preparing your child for the arrival of a sibling, don’t make assumptions about how your child feels about changes that are about to take place in the family,” she said.

After telling your child that they’ll be getting a new sibling, allow them to express any emotion, including doubts, fear or anger. Parents should respond to those feelings in neutral, straightforward ways, Pullen said. Just saying, “sometimes people can feel that way,” is perfect.

Recently, Hegarty found out that she’s pregnant again, with a baby due in May. This time, she started the conversation with Emma before she even had a positive pregnancy test.

“We opened up a dialog on our readiness for growing our family again,” Hegarty said. “I sat down with her and told her we were praying for a new baby.”

When Hegarty told Emma that she was pregnant, Emma was upset again. But this time, she was able to name her specific concern, and her parents were ready to respond.

“She cried again, only this time because she was afraid of sharing her bedroom, which was a much easier concern to handle,” Hegarty said.