It’s hard to discuss siblings without thinking about sibling rivalry.

“That’s a huge, huge, huge topic,” said Katherine Allen, a licensed family and marriage therapist who practices in Hanover. “Sibling rivalry is guaranteed.”

With multiple kids in the house, strife between siblings is normal and expected, Allen said. And most of the time, the best thing parents can do is to stay uninvolved. She recommends that parents allow kids to figure things out on their own, avoid taking sides, only intervene when necessary.

“Learning compromise, negotiation and sacrifice is essential,” Allen said. Sibling squabbles can help teach those skills. However, in order for that to happen, parents need to give their children space to sort out the disagreement.

“Parents can unwittingly deepen resentment and rivalry between siblings by squashing disagreements or swooping in to manage the situation or rescue one of the children,” said Susan Pullen, a pediatric behavioral health clinician at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center.

If parents do feel the need to get involved, they should help the children communicate their feelings to each other. Parents can help children identify and amplify their emotions, for example, pointing out when a child seems mad or frustrated.

However, Pullen notes, “It’s important for the parent to get out of the middle.”

Instead, encourage the kids to talk to each other, using questions like “How can you tell your sister that you feel angry?”

Siblings should understand the expectations in the home, and the consequences that they’ll encounter for being unkind to their siblings. These should be even, in an age-appropriate way.

Michele Frenkiewich, a New London mom of five, tries to stay out of the squabbles between her two oldest daughters, who are 14 and 16. However, she makes sure that they both know what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable.

“We have lots of conversations to keep that communication line open,” she said. “We talk about bullying. We’re not going to tolerate that in our house.”

Parents should recognize that relationship strife is normal among siblings, just as it is in any relationship, Pullen said. Rivalry and arguments aren’t a reflection on your parenting, and they don’t mean that siblings don’t love each other.

“Accept feelings that come up between siblings, encourage them to be honest about them and support your children in figuring out how to solve their disagreements,” Pullen said.