Hanover
Jaras, 33, knew she wanted to help turn the tables around for women. She left her job at Dartmouth in order to start Salary Coaching for Women, a firm that works to equip women with the same complex salary information that human resources departments use to determine salaries for newly hired employees. Her book Know Your Worth, Get Your Worth, was a recent finalist for the women’s interest category of the Next Generation Indie Book Awards.
The Valley News caught up with Jaras, who lives in Hanover with her husband and two daughters, to discuss how women can close the pay gap, one negotiation at a time.
Valley News: What mistakes do women make when negotiating their salaries?
Olivia Jaras: Women’s biggest mistake is assuming that our best course for negotiation is to be direct, assertive, decided and demanding.
While this approach might work for men, it rarely brings optimal results for women. Subconsciously, our culture has this ingrained notion of how males and females should each act in society.
VN: A lot of people would argue that we’re past that.
O.J.: Though we’ve certainly made progress over the past few decades, we are not quite “there” yet when it comes to eliminating gender biases. These biases continue to exist in negotiation settings. When we think of good negotiators, we automatically think of very masculine traits such as “assertive,” “go-getter” and “uncompromising.” We often don’t realize that when females play along with this role they come across as aggressive rather than assertive.
VN: So how should woman negotiate?
O.J.: Understanding your social role can lead you to maximizing your outcome in a negotiation. I teach women to partner with their negotiation counterpart rather than to antagonize him or her by being direct. Instead of saying, “Boss, I need you to give me a raise because I deserve it,” try saying “Hey Boss, I love working here, the team you lead is awesome, your vision for our strategy is one that I believe in. However, I have a situation and I would really appreciate your help with solving it. …”
It’s OK to butter them up. The way your message will be perceived is completely different. Women should maximize our uncanny abilities to nurture relationships, build trust and partner with others to achieve results.
Women are incredible negotiators when it comes to others (our family, friends, partners), but we aren’t that good at it when we have to advocate for ourselves. I actually think that because of our intuitive nature and ability to empathize with others, we can be much more persuasive than men when negotiating. It just comes down to knowing how to use your assets.
VN: I know I have gotten emotional about salary negotiations in the past. Any tips for keeping emotions under control while negotiating?
O.J.: You are not alone in that. That is actually one of the most common mistakes women make: negotiating from a place of emotional rather than rational thinking. We walk into negotiations thinking about our kids, our need for more money, or our co-worker who is being paid more. Ultimately, your boss and company can sympathize with you but these aren’t compensable factors. Instead, focus on rational ways in which your performance exceeds what was expected of you. Try to measure your impact relative to the bottom line. Use tangible numbers, improvement metrics, and process improvements that you’ve had a key impact on.
Coming into a negotiation with a collected and very present approach rather than being inwardly focused on your emotions will allow you to read and react to the situation much more effectively. This is a whole other realm of negotiation in which women excel at: nonverbal communication. If given the right tools, women can read others incredibly well and we can respond using nonverbal cues in a way that enhances trust.
VN: There are laws that mandate pay equality, but women continue to make 20 percent less than men, on average. What gives?
O.J.: While we are headed in the right direction with government regulations and company policies, if you don’t know what you are worth and how to ask for it, you won’t get it. You shouldn’t expect it to simply be handed to you. In the world of business, why would anyone give you what you are not asking for? If a woman accepts a lower salary at her first job, it sets the tone for your career and it is very hard to overcome the loss in the long run. Plus, women tend to miss opportunities and promotions because they don’t think they were worthy of them or didn’t know how to ask for them.
VN: Asking for the right salary is essential. When they want to learn what they’re worth to a perspective employer, most people turn to a quick Google search. But you say that companies have much more sophisticated ways of determining an applicant’s worth.
O.J.: All too often we are deceived into thinking that we can do a cursory online search through free salary sites, print a report and call it a day. But established organizations are analyzing your resume and benchmarking you relative to industry data. They will also look at the overall value you will bring relative to your boss, peers and direct reports within the company to ensure an acceptable spread between salaries — this is called internal equity. That’s where a salary coach can be valuable, helping you understand and access the sort of data that your potential employer is using to make decisions.
Editor’s note: For more information about Salary Coaching for Women, visit www.salarycoaching.com.