As I frequently note, one of the biggest draws to retiring in the Upper Valley is my disdain for heat and appreciation for cold weather. I understand that I have made this statement as a Southern New Englander (Connecticut and Massachusetts) who has never experienced a full Upper Valley winter.
While the calendar announces December 21 as the official first day of winter, I have used the power of deduction within my household to conclude that its arrival may be far sooner. To make this declaration, there are three conditions that need to be met, and each recently has: my car tire pressure light is illuminated most mornings, the dog is uninterested in long walks and my wife has started wearing her wool sweaters, indoors!
While I consider myself soft by virtually every measure of grit, there are two areas where I have always prided myself on being hardier than most: enduring cold weather without complaint and driving long distances before having to make a rest stop. If you’re thinking this would make me an ideal long-haul trucker in the northern half of the country, congratulations on guessing my Plan B in retirement.
With winter commencing, I’ve decided that preparation is needed in order to not only survive but thrive in the season. I’ve turned to some local experts, also known as family and neighbors, for advice. The common themes I hear are the importance of layering and maximum protection of my extremities.
I have determined that my winter safeguards fall into the three clothing categories of hats, jackets and shoes.
Hats – I’ve been preparing for this one over the past several years, accelerating as we planned our move north. As my overloaded closet can attest, I have a plethora of hats in a variety of fabrics that not only cover my head, but also my ears and neck. I also have two hats that have battery-powered spotlights fitted in them for early-morning and late-night dog walks.
Jackets – While in general, I do not overindulge in clothes shopping, I do have an affinity for jackets, so much so that I have a separate jacket for every 10 degrees between zero and 70 degrees. They can all be complemented by my collection of sweatshirts and hoodies based on 5-degree increments.
Shoes (and shoe accessories) – Now, we’re getting to my most valuable recent additions. Foot warmers, check. Ice cleats, check. Waterproof walking/hiking shoes, check. And the ultimate Winter Piece de Resistance, Skechers Slip-ins John Deere Waterproof Relaxed Fit: Respected – Swamper. Much like royalty, the full title is needed to highlight their grandeur. I have literally leveraged the technologically advanced ingenuity of a multi-billion-dollar heavy equipment company to help me trudge through the snow!
Despite my sound thinking, I imagine some of you are saying to yourselves, “Oh Mike, if only. You made no mention of gloves, scarves or socks. Please go back to the milder winters of Connecticut while you’re still able.” However, what you don’t know about me is that I am very hard to buy gifts for because I put the onus on others to determine what I might want or need. That’s right, no requests or hints. This has led to many years of gloves, scarves and socks being gifts because my hand, neck and foot size (medium, goose-shaped, and extra-large) are easily deduced by looking at me.
Beyond my clothing, I have also determined that I would greatly benefit by having a remote car starter since we have no garage and the indoor pickleball enthusiasts I enjoy playing with insist on early morning games. In the future, I will see if I can encourage them to sleep in, but at this point I feel fortunate that they tolerate my inconsistent play and chatty demeanor.
Lastly, to truly embrace the winter, I think it is necessary to partake in some outdoor activities. Having been raised in the Washington, D.C., area, I did not participate in the most common winter activities of ice skating or skiing. Given my age and height, not to mention my lack of balance and core strength, I am certainly not starting now.
However, I am considering trying out what I refer to as the seated winter sports: snowmobiling and ice fishing. While I think this should protect me from falling prey to my physical frailties, should you be driving by Mascoma Lake and see the bottoms of two size-14 Skechers John Deeres sticking straight up out of snow or ice, please feel free to either stop and help or call my wife so that she can add another “I told you that was a bad idea” to her tally.
The writer retired to Enfield in July 2026. He can frequently be seen at a sporting event, rallying on a pickleball court, biking the Northern Rail Trail or kayaking on Mascoma Lake. He can be reached at vnewstalltales@gmail.com.