Let’s go shopping!
When I’m not agonizing about the state of just about everything, I enjoy filling my days as most seniors do: doctor appointments and running errands. I used to resent spending precious free time on food shopping. But in retirement it’s a social highlight.
Watching old people (I can say that because I am one) try to choose yogurt with 237 choices is real entertainment.
So many options: whole milk, fat-free, Greek, Anti-Greek, sugar-free, sugar-friendly, vegan, bovine oblivious — it goes on and on. And that’s before you get into flavors, which take you down a rabbit hole of fruits and berries and all sorts of whatnot. (Come to think of it, All Sorts of Whatnot would be a fabulous brand name.)
After 65, it takes forever to choose. And when you get home you discover it’s not what you wanted.
“Honey, did you really mean to get the Byzantine Yogurt with Cabbage and Cheese?”
“I just grabbed something to get the hell out of there.”
Since we live in West Lebanon, “The Heart of the Upper Valley,” we are within 6 miles of seven — count ’em, seven — food markets, some super, some not entirely so.
Marco Polo would be amazed. He took 24 years and traversed 15,000 miles for his historic shopping trip. (No telling what his wife said when he came home without the one thing she really needed.)
I don’t know if I should add Dan and Whit’s General Store in Norwich to my list. I stop in once a year and suddenly wish I had my grandparents’ old Studebaker.
I like the secret pathway to the hardware store out back. I suspect there are portals to magical realms they reveal only to certain shoppers with pure hearts, or 10th-generation Vermonters.
Walmart, Dollar Tree and Family Dollar also sell some food products. The more the merrier, even with canned ravioli.
One could spend all day visiting our many stores, but as empty nesters we eat only so much. Dede picks the things we need, and I sneak in optional sweets and curiosities. Sauerkraut? Canned beets? Even more cookies? Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When we approach the beer aisle I say to her, hopefully within hearing range of others, “Do you need to pick up your bee-yah?” (She hasn’t had one in years.) Believe me, after 49 years of marriage this is still terrifically funny. Dede pretends it isn’t. That’s what keeps a marriage fresh.
Our main store is Hannaford, which has been undergoing renovations. So we can’t find baking powder, tuna fish, or many things. I scurry back and forth to find stuff, much like a squirrel.
I like the store even though the parking lot is way too small. They recently put up signs that say they are lowering prices all over the place. I do not find this to be true at any of our local establishments.
I visit other stores for specific reasons. The two Price Choppers are sometimes convenient so I stop in for odds and ends. Their bakery cookies are loaded with chocolate chips. This means a lot to me.
We visit Shaw’s for Autocrat Syrup, for do-it-yourself coffee milk. We both were born in Rhode Island, where coffee milk is highly prized. It is the state’s greatest export.
As for the three co-ops, the mother store in Hanover is confusing because aisles are set at a jaunty angle. Also, I suspect that they can see right through me — I am from Lebanon and I am no foodie. Foods with French names make me nervous.
My favorite Co-op Food Store is in White River Junction. It is smaller, certain staff members are colorful and friendly, and I can get in and out fast.
I’m not the biggest veggie guy, but when I am making lentil soup I want a presentable potato and an onion that hasn’t been around the block. The co-op comes through.
The itty-bitty independent Upper Valley Co-op, also in the village, is for idealistic people who’ve taken a vow to wear natural fibers. I go there to feel like I haven’t sold out to the man and — very occasionally — to procure unusual health supplements.
I once bought natto for its arterial healing powers. America’s Test Kitchen calls it “a Japanese fermented soybean treat.” It actually looks like snot and is very, umm, strong tasting. We didn’t get along.
All of this shopping keeps me occupied and amused but what I’d really like is a lower-price market like Aldi’s or Market Basket. I speak for all when I say we want one.
We are paying too much for groceries and prices are rising, no matter what they say about inflation.
But you already knew that.
Dan Mackie lives in West Lebanon. He can be reached at dan.mackie@yahoo.com.